Selfie Imposed Extinction
Humanity is heading toward the sixth mass-extinction event. Better stock up on that Spam. Let’s break it down.
Scientists are claiming we are accelerating the sixth mass extinction event, driven by the industrial revolution.
According to historical scientists, mass extinction events took place several millions years apart. These events were brought about by volcanoes, the formation of mountains, the ice age, and the most famous of all – the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction. An asteroid over 8 miles in diameter purportedly hit the earth at 45,000 miles per hour, ending the reign of the dinosaurs.
Glaringly absent from all these past events is, you guessed it – human beings. One wonders how humanity can be blamed for our current circumstances, when the first five mass extinctions happened sans evil capitalists trying to get to third base with Mother Earth.
If these globe humper’s would express a modicum of intellectual honesty, I could get on board. But with the “Survival of the fittest” on the table, should it really concern evolutionists when stronger species take over a specific domain?
To reverse this impending planetary doom, blame must be appropriated correctly. Can’t we all agree that the annihilation of most species on earth is catalyzed by millennial’s with their incessant use of emoji’s and their gourmet soy latte orders? If it wasn’t for these beatniks milking every nut known to man while taking a blue million duck-lip selfies, we might, could stave off global catastrophe.
Be sure to purse your lips in that perfect selfie with the Sweet Meteor of Death while sipping on your Double-iced-skinny-mocha-soymilk extra froth latte Grande in a Venti cup.